We rented I Don’t Know How She Does It last night.  I remember reading the book years ago and finding it hilarious.  We adore Sarah Jessica Parker in our house so how could I possibly find fault with the movie, right?

WRONGO!

Okay - first of all, let me tell you how she does it.  She HAS A NANNY.  AND A HUSBAND.  And probably makes a bajillion dollars at her job as an investment banker.  That, my friends, is how she does it.  Okay, I know the book is fiction and Kate is a made up character, who despite being told her hair is a wreck and she’s disheveled, she manages to look pretty freakin’ good throughout the movie.  Of course, it's fiction.  Here's the non-fiction version:

I’m a single mom, I have a job for which I have to travel at times, I’m also pursuing a Masters degree.  I have a house, two rescue pets and two kids.  Teenagers.  One’s a type one diabetic.  I can’t even look at that sentence without wondering how I do it.   With that being said, here’s what goes on at my house on a pretty regular basis. 

Last night, I had a cold.  I put water in the kettle for tea and put the kettle on the burner. I turned on the burner and remembered I never responded to an important email.  Went up to my office, responded to the email and began paying bills.  Remembered I needed to start dinner.  Headed downstairs.  At the top of the stairs, I smelled pine.  How nice, thought I.  My scented candles cleverly emit fragrance even when they’re not lit.  Except one was lit, from the bottom up. I had it sitting on the back burner which I inadvertently turned on in lieu of the front burner on which sat the kettle.  The wax was liquefied and when I moved the candle, the glass cracked.  Smoke was everywhere.  Rachel was in the living room having her guitar lesson.  I asked her if she noticed the odd smell. She said "yep" and kept playing.  Liquid wax seeped all over my glass stove, I cleaned it up as best I could before it hardened but guess what? It hardened. 

At our house, I leave candles lit and leave the house to go to church.  I let my dogs out to play in the yard while I go to the store.  My neighbor has to call Animal Control because they get their collars hooked together and attempt to kill each other trying to get free. I go to the pharmacy and look down expecting to see my grey UGGS and I find that I’m wearing bedroom slippers.  It took me three years to MAIL an amended tax return.  That's right, it was done.  I just had to sign it, fold it, write the check and put it in the mail. THREE YEARS???   I find a Bear in the Big Blue House tent in my attic that I bought for my children’s Christmas gift years ago. Still in the box.  Never given.

 Rachel hasn’t eaten anything green since she accidently ingested a piece of moldy cheese.  Instead of putting her laundry away after it sits on her chair for six weeks, Emily just throws the clean clothes back in the hamper. That’s how I get wrinkles out of clothes as well.  That rancid smell emitting from my desk?  A salad I left in the drawer when I had to leave work early when Emily got sick. Why the hell it was in a drawer in the first place, I’ll never know.  

I'll take a bit of Kate's pancake batter on my suit collar any day over some of this stuff!  My non-fiction story won’t be I Don’t Know How She Does It.  It will be I Don’t Know How She Does It and Doesn’t Manage to Kill Everyone Around Her. I could go on and on but I barely have time to read a book let alone write one. So I’ll leave that to the….ahem…experts. 

Where’s the Tylenol?

I love the beginning of anything new.  As a kid, I loved the fresh start of a new school year - the notebooks were blank pages awaiting new insights and knowledge, book spines were straight and lockers sans clutter holding only the lingering pine cleaner scent.  I love opening the mailbox which beholds a brand new edition of one of the several magazines to which I subscribe.  Although I can pick up copies of the same magazines for free from my library, nothing is better than an untouched magazine.  I love a new car, a new and empty house, the start of a new job  - anything that promises a fresh start.

Why is that?  Why is “something new” so alluring?  Is the old really that bad?  Was this past year really that terrible?  As I look back over the last 365 days, well unfortunately, I have to say “yes”!  This year sorta sucked!  My daughter had problem upon problem resulting in hours upon hours sitting in waiting rooms, therapists’ offices and clinics. This resulted in tons of copayments and countless hours of missed work.   It also resulted in a myriad of stress-related ailments that I myself suffered from and which I could do without.  It resulted in a lot of worrying about her older sister who I fear feels like she has to take a backseat to everything going on with the sick child.  Even my blog suffered (as you can undoubtedly tell as my last post was in October!)

Even with all our uncluttering attempts and de-stressing exercises, life was really unmanageable at times.  So as I go into a new year, I am looking forward to a blank page which I can rewrite my story starting tomorrow.  My daughter is doing great - hopefully that means fewer trips to the doctor and an end to the therapy.  I started my master’s program and I love it. I started running. I have planned more one-on-one time with both of my girls so they can feel the support and the attention of their mom without having to share it - at least for a few hours.  I am looking forward to a year of less - less buying, less consuming, less television, less toxicity, less time spent with the wrong people and less stress.  I envision one with more reading, learning, experiencing and loving. 

I think they call that living!

As my new logo portrays, my life is very hectic.  Some days it is all I can do to grasp on tight and just hold on - not manage, not complete, not organize, not anything. Just hold on!  And once in awhile, if life gets this way, it’s okay - everyone goes through periods where they bite off more than they can chew and struggle with time management.

 But when you are juggling tons of activities, deadlines, people, etc., every day, all day long, it can become very difficult to keep it all together.  I had days like these running together so often that I would forget things like the day, the date, bills that needed paid and appointments for the kids. We’d end up arriving at soccer games at half-time or arrive at dance class two hours early.  I made appointments on top of appointments as I was trying to juggle driving, checking my iPhone calendar and texting people to confirm.  I was on the verge of tears more often than not, thinking that life was just supposed to be this way and I needed to be more - oh, I don’t know - organized, together, a Type A personality - anything other, anything better, than who I was.

During several months of self-reflection, I’ve come to realize that taking time to stay in the present really grounds me. It also removes distractions that seem to materialize out of nowhere.  Today, I still don’t have time for extensive yoga practice, spa visits or meditations on top of mountains; however, I have incorporated some changes into my life that seem to help me focus and stay present in the moment.

Get off the Grid

One day a week, I try to unplug.  I try to stay off of the PC and the iPhone.  I avoid texting and checking Facebook updates.  I limit phone calls to emergencies only.  I read instead of watching television.  I do this on Sundays and this practice has helped me to allow my mind to focus on the week ahead but also to wander and be creative.  I feel more positive because I have one day off from the chronic naysayers and complainers on social networking sites.  Have you ever read some news article or blog comments?  The rudeness and blatant disrespect toward the writers is astounding to me.  Having a day away from this is healing to my soul.

Meditation

As I just said, I don’t have much time to spend in meditation.  Fortunately, it is my arch-enemy, the iPhone, which has helped me with this dilemma.  Every morning, during my 30 minute commute to the office, I recite the Rosary with my aptly named iPhone app.  I love it - I just press the button, and a soft-toned woman recites and I join in. My mind sometimes wanders, but I bring myself back to present, focusing on the Glorious, Luminous, Joyful and Sorrowful mysteries.  This is the perfect way to begin my day and I arrive at work in a peaceful state of mind.

Screw Multi-Tasking

I’m tired of doing ten things at once.  All the “supermoms” I know, the ones who say they can juggle twenty things at a time, seem to be in a foul mood more often than not. I’d rather do one thing at a time and be present (and happy) while I do it, than juggle ten things and forget I’m doing all of them.  If I am folding laundry, I love to feel the softness of the towels, the lavender scent of the clothing and astonish myself at how clean I got the gym uniforms!  If I am talking on the telephone, I try to avoid jumping online simultaneously.  If I am in the yard playing with my dogs, I don’t text or answer emails.  If I am cooking, I want to appreciate what I am making, from the act of cutting basil from my garden to inhaling the scent of a freshly peeled pineapple.  It’s these little bits of joy that make stressful days easier to handle.

Deep Breathing

It was mystified to read an article recently that said a high percentage of people don’t breathe right.  Really?  But think about it.  A lot of people take very shallow breathes and don’t fill their lungs.  Deep breat is a phenomenal relaxation technique. During times of stress or low-energy, I fill up my lungs all the way to the count of four.  Then I hold that breath for eight seconds and release for seven.  Even doing that one time helps me to relax, be present and stay balanced.

So, life can come at ya really hard. We all know that.  But staying in the moment and giving myself time to incorporate bits of peace into my life has helped me stay sane more often than not.  I don’t feel like I want to burst into tears so often and more often than not, I have an empty arm with which to hug my kids or pet my dogs or pick up my pen and write.

Okay - I am unveiling my website logo today.  This painting was created by my good friend, RVa artist Keith Gills (www.keithgillsart.com).  It's an amazing piece of work and he so managed to capture my very essence:  trying dilligently to hold it together while I raise two teenagers, one with Type 1 Diabetes, work a full-time job, freelance when time allows, keep my home clean, the kids fed and raise two rescue dogs. Add to that, pursuing my Masters in Education...and trying to do it all with grace and style!

It's possible to manage everything - it really is. I do it every single day, taking life one day at a time.  Even though I have my hands extremely full, a strong wind can't bring me down.  Because I have strength, faith and a wonderful family and friends who help me carry the load. 

So thank you Keith - for this incredible painting and the time you spent laboring over every last detail.  I love it - it's incredible.  And here is the logo.  Make sure you check out Keith's site for a look at his other, amazing work.

I have a little statue in my office of a vase with flowers and the words “Your Life Is Now.” I look at it several times a day; but rarely do I “see” it.  More often than not, the profound meaning of this saying escapes me. The fact is, life is moving whether I am living it or just merely coasting along for the ride.

Time is passing and I can either blink and it’s gone or I can live a rich and fulfilling life.

I choose the latter.

This week, I applied to graduate school to study for a Masters in Education. It will probably take me two to three years as I will only be going part-time due to time constraints.  That means, I will have to add classes, studying, homework and cohort groups to my already jam-packed schedule.  That means, I will get less sleep and have less money for shoes and purses because tuition bills come with going back to school.  I’ll see my friends less and I’ll be less available to do many of the things I do now.

So why bother?

Because I want to prove to myself that I can accomplish something great - even after being out of college for many years.  Because my kids don’t need me every second and I want to do something for myself.  Because a Masters in Education opens doors and gives me tons of flexibility in my career.  Finally, because two to three years are going to pass by anyway.  And I’ll either still be me or I’ll be me with a M.S. in Ed. 

I choose the latter. 

 

Wish me luck :)

Dear Pittsburgh Guy Driving a Lexus:

Where are you going in such a hurry?  My sister’s driving a station wagon, with a bumper sticker that reads “proud parent of an Eagle Scout.”  It should be obvious that my sister is a mother.  When you rode her tail for five miles and then vehemently flipped her off uncontrollably while speeding around her car, did you think, for one second, that she might have a child in the car?  Did you honestly have to prove your point in such an ugly manner?  And, by the way, what was your point? That you are important?  That you have to attend to a matter of great urgency or the world will come to an end?  That someone is waiting for you somewhere?  As an aside, my heart goes out to whoever might be on the receiving end of your daily companionship.

I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt when my sister told me this story.  I try to give that same benefit of the doubt when I see your kind all over the roads I travel.  Maybe you just were fired.  Maybe you were on your way to see a relative who is barely hanging on.  Maybe you just received some other type of soul-crushing news.

But the fact of the matter is that you’re probably just a rude, pompous, volatile little man. You know how I know?  Because here, on planet earth, people get bad news every day; and yet we refrain from exhibiting this type of belligerent behavior on (or off) the road.  But in your world, you somehow learned that you alone are entitled to the road. You alone are allowed to berate anyone who doesn’t measure up to your standards. You alone are the only one who matters.

But here, in my world, people learn how to deal with bad news with grace.  We may  go faster than we should on the highway, but we refrain from displaying this type of flagrant barbarianism.  We may experience fits of anger.  But it’s a mere second, not a continual screaming, hand gesturing, red-faced, blood-pressure rising tirade. That’s the difference between someone who lives with grace and someone like you.

So instead of violently tailing and verbally abusing a soccer mom who simply had the misfortune of being in front of you, maybe you should slow down and perhaps go on a journey of self-discovery.  Try to find this grace for yourself.   Although I’m trying to learn not to judge other people, you desperately seem to need it.

I’ll end by saying it is grace alone that allows me to feel compassion for you with your unmitigated selfishness and conceit.  It is that grace that allows me to hope you find peace.  Because, Mr. Lexus, what goes around, truly does come around.  And karma is going to be waiting for you, perhaps around that next bend.  Unless it’s caught up with you already.

Today is September 12.  Ten years and twenty-four hours have passed since one of the most horrific days in U.S. history.

Yesterday, memorial services bespoke of the brave heroes of that fateful day.  Television programming featured the heroes who survived; panning to them during NFL football game breaks and featuring one family on Extreme Home Makeovers.  Yesterday, flags waved, ribbons were worn and people remembered.

And today life goes one.  As it should.  If every day were a commemorative occasion, the meaning of September 11th would become standard, rote.  But although we may not gather daily to recognize the bravery of the people and the camaraderie of the surviving citizens of the U.S., we can begin a new decade by resolving to challenge ourselves to become better citizens, to become better friends, to become better people, for those who cannot. 

Today, and every day for the coming year, reach out to the neighbors like you did ten years ago on 9/12.  Talk to them, offer to help, lend a hand, be a friend. Don’t wait to be asked.  Be generous with your time at work; spare a buck for a homeless guy, not judging whether he’ll use it for booze.  You know, he probably will, but give it anyway.  It’s the giving that counts.  Don’t gossip, don’t complain and if you do, keep it to yourself.  Buy a cup of lemonade from a kid on the street or a box of Girl Scout cookies from a young neighbor who comes to your door. 

Remember your resolve ten years ago.  You know you had it.  I know I did.  I wanted to be a better person, a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, employee and friend.  Earlier this year, when I began reminiscing on the past decade; I wondered if I became the person I wanted to be.  At first I thought that not much had changed inside of me. Then I realized how much I accomplished - finding a career I love in public safety, raising my girls into good and beautiful teenagers, keeping my home, rescuing pets, publishing a blog that (hopefully) helps people, teaching Religious Education at my church for several years, volunteering at the food bank, the SPCA, the community kitchen and for the JDRF.  I think I made a bit of a difference. 

And I want that to continue into the next decade. I can’t change what happened and I can’t make the whole world a better place all by myself. But I can encourage people to be the best they can be.  And I can try to do my best; one day at a time.  As Mother Teresa said “be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”  Do little things with great love. Make a difference all year long, not just on one day in September.

A colleague and I gave a lunchtime presentation in Emporia today.  As I was driving north on I-95, I came to the outskirts of downtown Richmond.  A wave of nostalgia hit as I viewed the panorama:  tall buildings, the James River and the roof of the train station.  The nostalgia was a longing for my old city - Pittsburgh - from where I moved in 1989.   I would drive through the tunnels approaching downtown Pittsburgh and be hit with light shimmering on the water, sky-scrapers of every conceivable height and shape and I would know I was home.

But Pittsburgh hasn’t been my home for more than 20 years.  Oddly enough, I’ve never felt quite at home here either.  For me, it’s been a “fish out of water” syndrome.  I’ve graduated from college here, had one of my daughters here, owned homes here, have a church family, a stellar career and the best group of friends a girl could ever dream of having. 

But rounding that curve and meeting the skyline on I-95 today, I took in the beauty of Richmond, the history and the uniqueness and I love it. It’s just not home.  Perhaps it was moving here from the north and never fully being able to capture that southern charm and the mannerisms that girls are brought up with in the south.  Maybe I never really learned the culture. Maybe it is the fact that we left Richmond to live in Charlottesville at the end of the 1990s for a few years. Possibly it is something that one needs to be born with.  Whatever the reasons, I still have a vague unease of “transition” about me.  One that lingers, never fully lets go.

I admire people who can make a home anywhere. I have cousins who moved from Kentucky to the United Arab Emirates and now live in Qatar.  They spend summers in the U.S. and seem to easily transition from one part of the world to another with barely a moment of jetlag.  My friend Dan retired from his job and bought a one-way ticket to Thailand.  He has lived all over Asia for months and then picked up and moved to Alaska.  Oh, by the way, Dan’s not even 30!  How cool that they can just bid adieu to what they know and take off for what they don’t…and be okay. 

So as I navigated the highway today, I decided I should forget the past and where I came from and focus on the future and where I’m headed.  A future where I can live in the city of my dreams - one that welcomes me with open arms every time I visit, one where I get so excited when I think of living there that my heart actually flutters.  Ex-patriot Gertrude Stein said of the city she loved "America is my country, but Paris is my home."  And one day, I am sure that I will make the city of my dreams my home as well.  That city is New York. I doubt I will experience any unease as I was born to be a New Yorker. I knew it the moment I stepped off the plane to visit for the first time. I knew it the day I successfully navigated the subway.  I knew it when my brother (a New Yorker himself)  joked that I can’t find the bread machine in my kitchen but I could find a pair of shoes in Time Square at 8:00 on a Saturday night - blindfolded.  I know that, in the next phase of my life, I am destined to live there.  As the saying goes - there’s no place like home.  I believe that.  I just have to find mine.

It’s been an odd week for Central Virginia:  a 5.9 earthquake earlier in the week, several significant aftershocks, swamp fires and now Hurricane Irene is bearing down on the East Coast.  While it’s unlikely that my county will experience an actual hurricane, we are expected to be hit with tropical storm force winds and significant rain.  Around here, that usually means no power for at least a day.  During Hurricane Isabel, many were without power for days, many for weeks.  Fortunately, the media talks about these looming crises non-stop so there was ample time to prepare.  The last thing I want to do if disaster hits is panic because I’m unprepared especially as I have a Type 1 diabetic to look after.

Don’t Assume Anything

Yes, we all know the media can “over-exaggerate” and we may have become desensitized to threatening forecasts and pending disasters.  However, earthquakes happen unexpectedly and hurricanes can turn on a dime.  It’s difficult for weather people to predict actual outcomes.  So assume the worst and pray for the best.  Conspiracy theories that I’ve seen on Facebook and Twitter claiming that the government and the media and (really??) even the retail establishments are blowing this out of proportion bore me.  The last I heard, these institutions were made up of people and people are inherently good.  I doubt they all collaborate to cause pandemonium just to sell a loaf of bread.  The point is, if you see dire predictions over and over, believe them and get ready.

Be Prepared

Although this seems like a no-brainer, you wouldn’t believe the stuff that people buy during a crisis.  Alcohol, of course, seems to be a huge seller.  Be smart.  Don’t drink during a hurricane or any type of disaster.  If a tree falls on your house, if your roof blows off, if windows break, you will need your wits about you.   People buy frozen foods too!  Why?  If you lose power, guess what?  Those tater tots are gonna go bad.  Be smart. Buy stuff that is non-perishable:  peanut butter, granola bars, instant coffee (yes, it will be cold unless you have a gas hot water heater but it will still be caffeine which you might need), cans of tuna.  You get the drift.

Prepare for power outages by doing all your laundry while you still have electricity.  Make a big pot of coffee, cook up some frozen food for breakfast. Do anything you can do to get prepared in advance.  If nothing happens, you have some good food, clean clothes and ample caffeine for the day!

If you waited too long to get supplies, don’t bother going to places like home improvement stores or big retail discount stores. Go to your local pharmacy.  People avoid those because the prices are higher but who cares if you pay twenty more cents for a battery when you really need one. I found a great LED book light on the Walgreens shelf for less than $10!

Emergency Kit

Keep one stocked.  Add to it as time and money permit. I wonder about people who need to rush out to buy a flashlight during a storm.  They cost a buck - go get one now.  Have candles and hurricane glass containers to keep them in. Buy matches or a good lighter.  Know where your tarp is in case you need to cover up a window.  Have a tool kit with a hammer and some nails.  I know that my attic floor is just several sheets of plywood - you bet if I need to board up a window, guess what is coming up??   Fill some pitchers up with water.  If you have alcohol to drink, you might not think you need it; but if water is contaminated, you will.  You are going to want to wash, flush your toilet, and have water on hand for your pets.  Even fill up the tub - you’ll be glad you did.

Documents

The best app I ever got for my phone was a document scanner. It cost about $5.00 but you take a photo of your important papers and then the scanner turns it into a PDF which you can save or email to yourself for safe keeping.  I scanned my insurance papers (both home and auto), phone numbers and my pet records.  I also did a quick video of everything in my house for insurance purposes.

So you can’t control the weather, you can’t control the hype; you pretty much can’t control anything except the way you react to things.  If you have most bases covered, you can still stay sane during a crisis so you can focus on taking care of yourself and your loved ones.

I’ll let you in on a secret that many of my friends already know.  I love to shop.  It’s one of my favorite ways to spend spare time.  I travel to New York to shop, I try to plan vacations near outlets so I can shop and I took a four day vacation to celebrate Tax Free Shopping Weekend in Virginia.  The problem is this:  I’m a single parent of teenagers and they are expensive to raise.  So how do I manage my shopping addiction with not much money to spare?

Use the Smart Phone

Well, I’ll tell you how.  I leave the store without buying anything! Then how do I have such a great wardrobe? Here’s how.  I often do a walk-through of a store to see what items I like and what fits and then I scan the barcode with Red Laser to see if I can find it cheaper.  If I can find it on the web, I order it right there (and I usually can).  Or I’ll go home and check eBay to see if I can find the same or a similar item for a better price.  My daughter wanted a Vera Bradley Coin and Key for her birthday.  Twenty-five dollars at Saxons only ended up costing me $14.95 on eBay.  Free shipping too!

Never Pay Retail

I never, ever pay retail for anything!  Never, ever!  If an item isn’t on sale, I keep walking.  I better have a handful of store coupons before I even walk into Delia’s or Aeropostale for clothes for my daughters and I won’t even walk into Macys without coupons for my own purchases.  I get store credit cards if they afford extra discounts. I just have to be extra careful to pay them off at the end of the month to avoid those pesky interest charges. But having a store credit card means you can get advance information on sales and coupons for at least 20% off on most purchases.  Some stores, like Victoria Secret, send coupon books with a special coupon for each month.

Thrift Stores

And my best kept secret is the Goodwill Store.  Yep, I shop at thrift stores!  And I love it!  My latest finds included a beautiful beaded David Warren black cocktail dress for $6.99 (see photo below), a Kenneth Cole pink handbag for $4.00, a silk flowered purse for $4.00 (in photo with dress) and a grey, A-line skirt from Express for $2.50.  It’s brand new!  I’ve seen an original Bob Mackie suit (he was Cher’s designer) and an original Oleg Cassini (designer for Jackie O!) on the racks at Goodwill ON THE SAME DAY!  No, I passed on both. The Mackie was five sizes too big and the Cassini was just not my style.

I am hawk-eyed in the Goodwill too.  I make sure I check every seam and every single square inch of fabric. If it doesn’t fit exactly right, even if it is a buck, I walk.  I’m not going to waste a dollar on something that will sit in the closet.  If it has even a tiny spot, I pass unless I am sure I can get it out.  It helps that I am very fashion savvy when I go into the store.  I know which designers make good quality items and I stick to those.  I also know which types of clothing fit my body the best and I stick with those as well.  I am particular about what I purchase and won’t buy shoes at a thrift store and some other items as well.  I usually stick to jackets (a black denim jean jacket today was a steal at $4.99), skirts, purses, belts and scarves.