About three weeks into my "No Shopping for One
Year," I begin to feel antsy. As I explained before, I shop when I need a distraction. Some people eat, some drink or pop pills, etc., but my way to get my mind off my problems is to shop. I have been receiving all sorts of mailings –'tis the season, you know – that entice me to buy! That, on top of some personal issues in the family, has made me think that I need the following:
So, now begins the internal battle to fight that urge to shop. I have to decorate my house
and really don't feel like it. I have two papers to write for my graduate program and really don't want to (nor do I have any idea what to write about). Both of my daughters are
having struggles with various things. Add all that to the usual suspects: laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, and cooking and you can see why I want to distract myself.
But the whole point of not escaping with material things is so that I can face my challenges and deal with them in a hopefully calm and serene manner. It is no longer satisfying to buy a bunch of clothes or accessories; hang them up in my closet and realize the paper is still due and the house is not festive at all. There will always be a mountain of housework and when you have teenagers, there will always be an issue or two…or twelve. The
key is to face my problems and deal with them.
And yet, while that might be the grown-up thing to do though, I just don't want to. I want to explore the mall, listen to the Christmas tunes and buy every single item on my list because I work hard and I deserve to have nice things, right? That is what my shopping-addict mind tells me over and over. "Work on school later. Or better yet, drop out with three classes to go." "Who cares what state the house is in? People LIVE here…it should look messy."
The committee in my head is loud and lousy with advice this morning. I have the whole day
ahead of me and I know that, at various points, I will feel the strong pull to jump in my jeep and escape to that beautiful land of lights, music, shiny-happy people, laughter, and Starbucks.
And I will try to breathe and remind myself that I am Queen of my life and queens do not give in to every urge and desire. And I will deck the halls of my own house and write a stellar paper for class today. Because I am worth more than the clothes in my closet.
I am on a path to freedom and I am going places!