I’m curious to see where the line crosses from wanting and needing time alone into isolating from everyone and everything. My soul usually craves time alone now where I just want the opportunity that I so rarely receive, to sit in quiet meditation either in the yard or somewhere in my home, and just see what happens. I firmly believe that the reason I can’t hear God answering my prayers is that I have too much chatter going on to listen. Either there are kids playing or dogs barking or television/ipod/guitar heros/insert noun here and there is so much noise that I can’t even hear myself think let alone hear God speaking to me in that quiet way He has. So when opportunity knocks, I’m listening. And when I do, I usually hear or at least intuitively feel something that I need to work on about myself.
But taking those precious moments truly does require giving up something else and that usually is time spent with a friend. So where is the line? How can I balance spending time with friends and other loved ones but also find time for myself when spare time is virtually non-existent for a single, working mom like me? If you’re expecting some answer to a seemingly rhetorical question, you won’t find it here…because I don’t know. It’s a precarious balance for me and one that I seem to be losing. I insist of spending that time in quiet because my soul is screaming for it right now. It’s like there is something on the tip of my tongue or right around the corner and I know it’s there but I just can’t get to it. So when I get the chance, I’m going to be quiet and listen because I really want to see what’s around that corner. I want the solution to the problem - that answer that is on the tip of my tongue. Unfortunately, other things - like relationships - are put on the back burner.
One thing I do know is that I tend to isolate when I get resentful about something so maybe that is the answer. If all is right with my spiritual self, and I want to sit and meditate and spend an evening or a week or hell…even a summer by myself - as long as I’m not doing it to avoid people, then that’s okay and that’s called solitude. But if I’m feeling angry or bitter or resentful or the like, that’s when it becomes isolation and the solution to that problem is usually to do some writing or make an amends or just generally work on that problem until I figure it out.
Maybe it’s not as important to see where the line crosses as it is to see what the line is made of.