Staying Sane Inside your Head

I had a conversation running through my head today  while driving.  I was reminiscing
about an argument I had with a former colleague. He was telling me that my health
insurance company isn’t responsible for covering a medical procedure.   He felt like people had  entitlement issues when it came to health insurance and that the insurance
companies were not responsible for paying for hospital stays, etc.   My point was that I’m paying for health insurance.   It’s part of my salary package.   I rarely use it; but when I need it, I want the services that they are  supposed to provide. 

But that’s all besides the point. The point is, I was  replaying this conversation in my head, complete with rising blood pressure,   clenched fists and teeth, tension in shoulders and racing heart beat.  And the original conversation happened  over whether or not my health insurance should cover an overnight stay in the  hospital when my oldest daughter was born - the one who will turn 16 in  August.

 So I’m all angst-ridden over a 16 year-old conversation. This  person, who undoubtedly went on to piss off a myriad of others, has no idea that  he is renting space in my head - for free.  And 16 years later, I am still feeling  the physical effects of that conversation. Replaying that negative conversation  over and over in my head isn’t doing me one bit of good. 
Catherine Pratt of Life with Confidence  calls those raging  conversations.  And ain’t that the
truth?  I was raging while I was  having the conversation.  In my  car.  By myself.  
 
Pratt stated that these conversations are a waste of energy.  When we are replaying
these conversations, we are not paying attention to what’s going on in the real  world around us. That’s the exact opposite of what I’m trying to create with my mindfulness practice.  She also  states that when we are having these raging conversations, other events, that
would normally go unnoticed, like someone cutting us off in traffic, can cause
an irate reaction.

 So the other day, when the negative memory surfaced and I found  myself hitting the old playback button for the third time, I stopped and   reminded myself that this happened a long time ago.   I centered myself by focusing on my breath and told myself that was one
person’s opinion and it doesn’t matter to who I am right now.   After a few calming breaths, I turned up the music and I took myself to  that happy place in my mind; the one where negative people and health insurance  arguments don’t exist.