Today was a rough one and it isn't even 11:00 a.m. For about a week, I've been waking at 3:30 a.m. and can usually fall back to sleep within the hour. But even so, that broken sleep causes me to walk around exhausted. Last night, that monkey mind kicked in and sleep was a distant memory. Everything started to bother me: worrying about not having a job, thinking that if I did have a job, I would have to call in sick out of sheer exhaustion (totally pointless, right?), worrying about commitments I need to follow up on and people I need to call and pretty much everything including the starving people in China whom I neglected to send uneaten food to.
Several articles that I am working on came back needing (unnecessary in my opinion) revisions. By the way, to the monkey mind two equals several. A few jobs that I was pretty sure I would get just didn't happen. Running on empty due to lack of sleep combined with frustration and anxiety really equals a recipe for a disastrous day.
In the old days, I would forge ahead on days like this. I would pressure myself into producing 'just one more thing' so I could feel confident that everything was not just done, but ahead of schedule. I would have worked without ceasing and tried to accommodate everyone else's needs and schedules. And I would have taken my bad mood out on those closest to me.
But today, I am queen!
Today, in my land, I am entitled to a break. I diligently practice self-care. After realizing sleep was a thing of the past, I began writing at about 4:30 and finished the requested revisions and
even managed to eke out two new SEO articles. I answered all outstanding emails and then I shut down the computer for the day (at 7:00 a.m.).
I diffused some lavender essential oil, leafed through the Zohar for healing, meditated asking for Christ's presence in my heart and mind and then pulled out my Visual Journal to the Soul book (the image above is a vision board I created during my first class). I wrote a letter to myself getting a few things straight and then I wrote a list of the people and things that I love. I am allowing myself to take the day off of work, emails, texting and unnecessary commitments so I can be present and conserve whatever energy I can. I have acupuncture at four and I know Diane will get to the bottom of this sleep issue. I'm going to win the war against the monkey mind one step at a time.
So far, it's working. 'Cause I'm smiling as I write this.