The Gift

My dishwasher broke on Memorial Day weekend. The timing couldn't have been worse. It broke right after I had to have my heat pump worked on and a thermostat replaced.  It also occurred while I was unemployed without a prospect in sight.  Frustrated and tired from hosting my sister and her family for the weekend (which meant I took the couch while they took my bed), I sat down in my family room and I announced “I am at the end of my rope”. My eleven year old nephew sat nearby. He looked up from the television and he asked me “why don’t you get more rope?”

I could tell by the look on my sister’s face that she wasn’t impressed with his comment but I was.  I thought about it more than once since that day and I came to the conclusion that not only is he right but having some more rope on hand is absolutely a necessity for me.  I better have some extra around for when times get tough.

The dishwasher is still broke and it is now two weeks later. I’m annoyed because the appliance company didn’t do what they were supposed to do and they let five days lapse before ordering the part.  I’m annoyed because the thing is only 2 years old and shouldn’t be broken.  It’s frustrating to have to look at the dishes in the sink.  But something interesting happens every night and has for the past fourteen days.  I have to wash those dishes by hand and it isn’t half bad. It’s certainly not the ordeal I build it up to be in my head.  I do have enough to do without the extra burden of having to wash dishes but when I am in the process of doing that task, I enjoy it. It gives me time to focus and meditate and look out the window and just breathe.  And isn’t that what I’ve been wanting for months? Isn’t taking time to just slow down and be still something that I’ve been asking for? Yet when I receive it, I want to kick and scream and strangle the appliance guy.

Why is it so hard to recognize a gift just because it hasn’t come in the package I thought it would come in?  When I wanted time to slow down and feed my soul, I envisioned myself on a getaway weekend on a mountain or at a spa or meditating in an Indian Ashram creating my own version of Eat, Pray, Love.  But when I received the chance to slow things down just a tiny bit, I didn’t appreciate it.  Does that mean I won’t get the chance again? I hope not.  I hope it's a process from which I'm supposed to learn something.

And I am.  I’m realizing the importance of having gratitude for all things, not just the things I want or think I want.  Truth be told, rarely have the things I thought I wanted turned out to be all that great anyway.  The things I didn’t want - like being laid off from my job - gave me incredible opportunities.  I have created this website and written numerous freelance articles I wouldn’t have done otherwise.   It really is the proverbial blessing in disguise.

The next time something breaks or the next time things don’t go exactly the way I want them to, I hope I can remember to look for the silver lining before the cloud. I hope I can see the gift that might come in a stained and unattractive wrapping but all the same, realize that it is a gift nonetheless. And that sometimes the gift will be small and sometimes it will give me more than I could ever imagine wanting for myself.  All I have to do is appreciate it. And make sure I say thank you.