Last week, I was running around like an anxiety-riddled basket case. I was reading texts on the go, scheduling appointments I couldn’t keep and running myself into the ground. I said “enough” but then again, I said that before and did nothing. Would this time be the same? Would I complain a little bit (or a lot) and then go right back to the way things were?
Nope! Not this week anyway.
Since last Monday, we have made a few decisions of extra-curricular activities that the girls are going to quit. They each chose one activity that they enjoy thoroughly and they are going to concentrate on those. Rachel chose drama and Emily chose art (which she doesn’t even do now but wants to explore.) So that’s it then - besides music lessons which are non-negotiable - everything else stops once this semester is over. It will be a difficult transition. Rachel has played soccer since she was four years old but it conflicts with her acting and that is the path she wants to follow. Emily has danced for more years than not but she wants to take art classes instead. Emily insists on volunteering at the shelter so we are going to try to continue as best we can.
On Thursday, Emily had a medical appointment until 5:30. We arrived home at 6. I realized that there was still time to rush off to a 7:00 commitment that I had previously made (before I realized that we had the late afternoon medical appointment.) Then I stopped and remembered my plan. I needed to cook dinner, go over homework and take care of my dogs and the house. No more rushing off like a mad woman. That wasn’t on my list of priorities and I stayed home.
This weekend, we did very little outside the house. We shopped a bit and bought some herbs and plants for the deck. We visited an antique shop after church on Sunday. We ate in - every single meal! I went on a three mile walk - every day. I stopped along the way to play with neighborhood dogs. I meditated and did 30 minutes of yoga twice. I made portabella mushroom soup…from scratch. I sat on the deck and tossed a tennis ball to the dogs.
I worked from home today and after my work was finished, I shut off my blackberry. The constant red-blinking light, indicating a call, a text, an email, annoys me to no end. I am on a self-imposed Facebook hiatus. I need a break from the clutter of social networking, the never-ending barrage of electronic messages, the noise. I need the time and the quiet to reflect and be open to what’s meant to be.
Truthfully, it’s not easy. I felt anxious the first few times I sat on the deck doing nothing. I feel guilty about the obligations I am veering away from. It’s not my nature to just be. Or maybe it is and I never really gave it a chance. We’ll see…